SALISBURY WEATHER

Hey, Hey, Hey, Joe!

Screenshot 2020-05-01 at 4.55.51 AM

*****DISCLAIMER*****
This post was written several days ago with the intention of posting it today, May 3…six months to the day before Americans elect the next President of the United States. Joe Biden publicly addressed the issue two mornings ago.

Dear Mr. Vice President,

I know you’re reading this because everyone comes here for their weather forecast.  It is both fair and balanced and I never correct it with a Sharpie.

We met face to face in 2002 when we both attended Bill Cosby’s performance at the Delaware State Fair. That, in itself, is another story, but hey, hey, hey, that was 18 years ago.

You were greeting guests as people entered the venue. With your trademark smile, you looked me directly in the eye, shook my hand, said it was good to see me, and hoped that I enjoyed the show. You did not touch or harm my wife in any way.  For that, I thank you.

The current events of the day do prompt me to wonder, however, if it is too late for my wife to fabricate a story of improper behavior on your part.  Lucky for both of us, she is too honorable to even consider that.  She is so honorable that, even though she wants your opponent to lose so badly, she wouldn’t make up a story about him for all of the money in China.  And, apparently, there is a lot of money in China…some of it ours, I’m told.  By all accounts, the exchange of pleasantries between us seemed just that…pleasant.

I do not recall if you were with your wife, your aides, or just standing there alone. With that in mind, knowing that this represents my only personal knowledge of you as a human being, I must tell you now that, since you are a candidate for President of the United States, I am in need of more information with regard to you and your character before I cast my vote 6 months from today.

It does not require personal contact. After all we can’t come within six feet of each other.  That would represent an unreasonable request, plus I am very busy and have a lot of things to do.

It does, however, in my mind require that you take this opportunity to publicly address allegations of inappropriate sexual contact that have recently appeared in the news. It is my expectation that you will address this situation in a way that our incumbent leader has, to the best of my knowledge, never once in his lifetime done.

I know where you and Mr.Trump stand on the important issues of our time and I know where he stands relative to honor and integrity. It does not give me pleasure to declare that the President of the United States, has an utter contempt for both.  I am hoping so much that you are the man who was deeply vetted for the job of Vice President of the United States a few years back.

As I write this I am near certain that you are not a Fascist. That is good! I am near certain that you are not a racist. Good, as well! I think that your hair is real and that you love your wife.

Perhaps you are showing signs of early dementia. I’m not really sure, but is is better than being fully demented like your opponent. I do not believe that you are narcissistic, nor do I believe that as President of the United States you would surround yourself with family surrogates. I do believe that you love your country.

I need to know that you can honestly face an allegation and allow all facts to become public knowledge. I need to know that you won’t lie, deny, or pass the buck when it comes to accepting responsibility. I need to know that you cannot be blackmailed by Vladimir Putin.

I need to know that you will not pay hush money to a porn star, hire a slime ball attorney to do your dirty work, and smile as your former associates go off to prison. I need to know that you will not reward a smirking in-law associate, born with a silver spoon in his mouth, the opportunity to publicly declare a victory in the midst of a pandemic when 65,000 Americans have died.

I need to know that in difficult times you could comfort the nation with a dignified speech that was full of compassion and empathy, and was written with a vocabulary that went beyond the fifth grade.

I really need to know that if I cast my ballot for you in November that I am not selecting someone based upon the number of inappropriate sexual encounters they have had in their lifetime.

I need an honest Joe Biden. Is that you? I’ll be watching and listening, Joe! Please don’t let me down.  Please don’t let America down. There are too many people tired of listening to this.

By the way, before you go, today will be a partly sunny day with highs near 80 degrees. There is a chance of a late day storm, Joe. All in all, it is a great day to be honest!  Don’t wait until tomorrow, Joe, because Monday will be windy and cooler.

Sincerely,

An All-American Weather Nerd

OFFICIAL SALISBURY WEATHER FORECAST


 

 

 

 

 

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